A song.

usually does wonders at saying what words cannot convey.

Something to lighten up your day, this space, my world and this ever dark room.

(Un)real.

It feels like a dream, still.

If possible, even dreamier than my usual ones. 

(I wonder how many of those I've had)

A living dream, one that's up above the skies yet wholly grounded in reality. 

If this is really one, I would sleep on, indefinitely. 

Definitely too surreal for my shaky hands to grasp.

But, I'll hold on nonetheless, to the end.

Crackle.

The sky weeps, not because it's sad. Because it's terrified.
Afraid that the wavering winds might come. To take it all away.
Thunder booms, standing lit against the storm, unwavering.
The land, still as always, throughout the ages.
A terrible storm is brewing.

Bring your umbrella. Hehe.

Treaty.

Even I feel irritated at my own persistence in bringing my problems to others, so why don't we come to a compromise? I just stop annoying people with my problems and drop down a hole, somehow dark and bottomless.

Sounds good?

Awake.

At 5:08am.

Wanted to be an insomniac, gotten my wish.

Now I'm trying to count sheep.

Clock's ticking.

I'm predictable, aren't I.

If you're given to select a way to run your life by, what will it be?

Passion? or Reason?

These two elements rule our lives so prominently that we've almost grown blind to their existence. Worse yet, we might not be blind but merely chose to ignore them, making up excuses for choices we make in life. These two elements are inseparable to our lives as oxygen is to our lungs. 

For one to reason, one has to be truly objective. That is, to be on the fence and impartial at all times. It can be said to be a confining and restraining force, as you need to abandon strong feelings when dealing with arising matters. Reasons often don't go well with emotions, they conflict each other. Yet, it is a irrevocable reality that we humans are brimming with emotions and are weak to these influences. 

Passion, something like a flame. It's a powerful driving force that instigates us to take action. It can be both destructive and helpful, at the same time. Too much, you burn to a cinder; too little, the flames feed the wind. It throws away logic and rationality in favor of strong feelings. We do base solely of what we experience currently - love, hate, envy, despair. Actions taken through passion, cannot be judge for rights and wrongs. 

They may sound like complete opposites of each other, yet they go well and complement each other like a jigsaw. Sometimes, they may fight like cats and dogs. But when they do play nice, they go well together, like peanut butter and jam. 

You reason that without a doubt you are correct. But, how can you so sure of yourself if passions does not drives you? Lingering doubts vanishes without an inkling of trace it was there at all when overruled by fiery passion. Reason can never really be truly devoid of passionate feelings when given by humans. 

The other way around, passion can only go so far on its own. Logical reasoning will eventually dissolves any emotion tying itself to the irrational passion. Nothing or no one is truly above these ruling, only because we are flawed in such a way that we can't measure one without the other.

 Love is never blind. Often, in these matters, reason and passion goes into all out nuclear warfare. People trying to find love will let strong passion to overrule weak reasoning, justifying everything fault to be curable. Eventually, the at first strong and heated feelings will be weakened by the cold hard logic, albeit a little twisted. By us to suit our own means. This spells disaster for any relationship because doubts will be popping up with increasing frequency. That will turn things sour pretty quickly.

However, true love. That is love so real and intense, it does not leave any doubt at all. Reason and passion go hand in hand to create a feeling so intense that makes rabbits run away from you. Like a hot burning white dwarf, amidst a thousandths of millions of stars in the universe. To love without any regret and doubt is indeed rare since we rarely conjoin reason with passion anymore nowadays. 

Even with all that said, I still find my own predictability to be mildly funny and entertaining. I just couldn't stay my hand now, can I? You know what, just ignore this. (no really, I wrote so much to NOT have anyone read it) 

Heaven.

always forget. 

to forgive.

to be missed.

always here.

always apart.

to long.

to want.

always desire.

always afraid.

to brave.

to cry.

always like a little bitch.

Talking to myself (I think)

Fed everyone a lie. A blatant lie.
Once you start saying the lie for 100 times everyday, it eventually becomes like a truth. Everyone will start believing it. Even the one who started all the deception.

I had believed it myself. Blinded by the same words I used to trick others. Remember how I said I'm ok? Well, I'm not. Heck, if ok is at the north pole; I would somewhere in mars right now.

I've intricately built my lie on the premise that it would be perfect, flawless. Like an impregnable fortress. Of solitude. Well, it was that.

I never see myself as a capable liar. It seems sad to even consider labeling "capable" to lying. I'm not one to lie to anyone at all. Being bad at something really shuns you from attempting to do said stunts. Yet, this time I've managed to fooled everyone - myself included.

Still I never counted on myself to spill the beans. To tear apart the illusion of ephemeral mirth and joy that I've spent months building. A dreamscape of infinite possibilities - none of which has anything to do with the cold hard truth.

Looking back. I am only vaguely able to recall what started all the lies. It was an act of desperation, to avoid being crushed. To save myself the trouble of being involved in the complications and intricacies of what is deemed to be wrong. But can anyone really decide what's wrong and right here? Then again, I sometimes wished there was a system of sorts, governing us all. Then perhaps I can just get sentenced and get on with my life.

Ahh, that was what I said. I wanted to look forward. To move, therefore I blinded myself to all the hellish mind torture that follows. And of course it followed. Like that tailgating bastard behind you at every tollbooth.

This is as open as I can get. I'm actually not so good at this as I thought I am. Frankly, I suck at this.

So here's the truth, along with all the sour milk. I still miss you like crazy. Everything detail about you, I recall with weirdly acute vividness. Like my history lessons.

I know I must be crazy to be still heads over heels for you. It's just pure foolishness after 2 months. I'm about a year overdue. Absurd, you say?

I know. I agree with you wholeheartedly. It's is definitely an outrage, I will look back at this post in the near future and laugh at my idiotic not so long ago past self.

Oh, laugh I will. With tears brimming my eyelids.

Now, I'm just plain sad. Fuck.

Gravity.

wanted to write something meaningful, what people would say relevant to my life. You'd realize that people always have something to say about you - your hair, shoes, even eyebrows. Everyone has shitloads to say about everything about you.

Why should I care that you don't like my shirt? I like it just the way it is, tattered and with it strips of once vibrant colors. I'm the one wearing it, for one. But the truth is, people don't give a shit how your shirt looks. They just want to say things that'll make you look bad, thus making them look good. A sense of superiority is all they're seeking, by the petty way of demeaning you.

They're everywhere. You've no escape.

actually really wanted type something that'll really let things go, but heard john mayer and went on to learn the chords to gravity instead.

I have the attention span equivalent to that of a corgi.